Love Letter to God.

Dear God


I know I am known for changing my mind now and then. I know you have made me this way, that I am almost always confused about what I do and say. I always look for MY fault in everything that goes wrong. I will not ask you WHY did you choose me for being so clumsy, foolish and weird, all at the same time. I just want to tell you a couple of things though, things I have not said in a long-long time.


I guess me and you, we did not have a conversation for a long time. I have notice that when I am doing things that somewhere my heart knows are not right, ME and YOU, we both stop conversing. You stop giving me signs and I stop talking to you.


You are weird, just like me. I mean, come on! who throws you in a pool of happiness and then plans to burn you alive? YOU! :)


Every happiness that you send my way is so confused that either I take too much time to recognize that it indeed IS happiness or sometimes it is just to mixed up with some sidetracks of sadness that it goes completely un-noticed. Anyways, coming back to our relationship now... why do you play games with me? Am I your favourite pawn or may be I am one of the best players around. I sometimes suspect that YOU fear me. You fear that someday I will just survive almost every shit you throw in my direction and precisely this is the reason you keep breaking me up time after time.


No worries. I love you just the way you love me. I guess me and you, we love each other way too much and thus we end up in this hating match at times. But it's okay, it is important for a healthy relationship.


Today, I have so many things to say. But the foremost thing would be -- THANK YOU. I am thankful to you for so many things -
- My family
- My friends (whom I can count on my fingertips now)
- My pets
- This beautiful life, The right to breathe.
- For wonderful opportunities and the challenges
- For all the shit you made see since childhood,because this is what made me who I am
- For keeping my faith intact in goodness and being nice. (Although, it's a little shaken now)
- For keeping me sane, even after all that happened.
- For that certain element of madness you injected in me, that keeps me going. That makes me thrive harder.
- For almost all the good things and some of the bad things too.
- For all the people who made my life hell by BEING there and some of them by NOT being there. (Oh! I am not going to name them)


Today, I also have something else to say, I need you. I need you so bad that I had to write this up


- Please help me let go. Please. I am holding onto this one thing for a long time now.
- Please help me realize that I AM the one who is important in my life and no-one else can take that place. I am my #1.
- Please help me accept that I loved and it does not matter if the people I loved were right or wrong. What is important is that I LOVED.
- Please help me accept that I don't need to prove it to anyone how good I am, how worthy I am and how loyal I am.
- Please help me accept that the ones who love madly and honestly are the ones who are courageous of the lot.
- Please help me survive this too.
- Please bless me with strength, peace of mind and a will to walk with pride.
- Please stand next to me and whisper "Walk on. You can" when I feel like I will give up.
- Please keep my dreams and hopes alive.
- Please help those who love me, accept that it is okay to love.
- Please just be there for me, right now. I need you. Let us talk everyday. Let's give our relationship some time.
- Please help me embrace happiness and sadness, failure and victory with same amount of poise and humility.


I love you and I am not scared to admit that. Thanks for being there. I know you will help me sail through. I trust you.

Forever Yours.

Surviving The Lows..Living The Highs

"When you hit rock bottom, the only way is up" -- This is my favorite quote of all times. This is ME, today.

Got another news that makes everything worst again...Will I give up? Ummm.. I donno.

I won't keep that option open at all..Nope.

The person who broke the news to me, asked me too many times to react. I just smiled and said, "I have nothing to say. It's okay". Inside, It is like a lull...like everything has stopped for me. I have no clue what to say. I guess this time, I will keep it all within me, for now.

I guess there is no point regretting all that happened, I'd rather work towards fixing it all up in such a way, that people forget how it was like when I was beaten to the ground. I think...yep! that's what I am gonna do...

Let them know, I AM BACK... and this time, I am unbeatable...I am unbreakable...

Coz this is me..surviving every low with a smile, and living every high with a roaring laughter... :P

MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

CHANGE

CHANGE

CHANGE

CHANGE

FOR THE BETTER

WHAT CHANGES?

1. STUDY STRATEGICALLY

2.STUDY OFTEN

3.STUDY without music

4.Stop involving myself in all the nonsense useless college drama

5. Keep writing in my blog-to have a focus

6. Go to my tennis classes more often

7.Finally, DO NOT WASTE TIME DOING CRAP.

Now that seems alot but it is really one thing-to be who i was when i was in America and not the clueless maniac am now!

Indian vs American education

I was hiding this anger, no! this massive frustration for long time. Precisely ever since I started college in August 201o I doubted everyday if I am fit to survive in India....and that too in in Tamil Nadu, Anna Univesity. Yes this is a place where I was born so I should not be having any trouble surviving there-little did i know I was wrong! Unfortunately, The 10+2 years spent in an American educational System is not a stepping stone for pursuing your degree here in India. So all my juniors out there who are reading this post please be considerate of the following points as I am writing this out from deep hurt feelings that is pestering me until now.

Maths-First of all, the math you study there will not help you survive here whatsoever. And I MEAN EVEN THE AP classes dont help. I have taken all the ap classes in high school and got an A and still our math is way behind the math here. SO only if i could reverse time, i would have gotten tutoring and learned the material myself....yeah if I was like that I wouldnt be suffering like this.

Pattern- Exam pattern itself is different. No there is no bubbling business here. You have learn to write and write pages in the given time even if its pure useless crap! Quantity is really important unlike the short and sweet motto there.

Study Skills- The flashcards, our sparknotes or the cliffnotes are out the window. You need to have MEMORIZATION skills and write the jargon as you saw from the book unlike the practical concept based live test there. After growing up there, undoubtedly our memorization skills are lower than people here in India

Attention Span- Remember in middle school when we used to get pissd at all the animated powerpoint slides and in high school the projector seemed like an epitome of failure--now all that now seems like a 3d james Cameroon movie to me! You have to learn to pay attention to all the monotonic monotonous teachers who lullaby you to sleep!

All these are factors that I wish someone told me before I considered doing my engineering in India-so all my juniors out there, this is not to discourage you to pursue your degree in India but this is for you to be aware of major survival skills if you are considering it. Because trust me, all these are hard core truths from my failure.

I was lack of the above skills for three straight semester and now knowing my failure, I am determined to overcome these obstacles in 2012 and proof to myself in this 4th semester that I am capable of surviving, no excelling this semester. I am going to do all it takes as this challenge is a test to my character itself!

For all those who asked if i am regretting coming to India-I guess I cant answer that until June(D-day of 4th Semester) but yes I am suffering mentally and wish i just didnt have to suffer as much but I wont give up till the end, thats for sure!